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There Songs
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I love to write these -- some
of them just write themselves. Some of these songs started in
the There forums as one or two lines, with folks invited to add
their own verses. Where possible, I've identified the folks
who contributed (my apologies if I've got it wrong). The rest
are, well, my fault.
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| (tune: Hotel
California, by The Eagles)
On a dark desert highway,
Cool wind in my hair...
<Peter_B>
Warm smell of Caldera
rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance,
I saw a shimmering PAZ
My lag grew heavy
and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night
Akia stood in the doorway;
I heard the IM bell
And I was thinking to myself
this could be heaven
or this could be hell
<Phedre>
Then she held a flaming banana
And she showed me the way
There were voicechatters in Karuna
I thought I heard them say
<Rejeanne>
Welcome to the Oro Lounge in Motu,
Such an empty place, such an empty place.
Plenty of room at the Oro Lounge in Motu,
Any time of year,
There'll be no-one here.
Chat bubbles to the ceiling,
Rainbow Fizz in hand,
We are all just prisoners here,
in There's never-never land.
In the town of Zephyr
we turn off our force field.
We can paintball any one we like,
We will never yield!
The course is SwenWuKong twisted,
can't make the hoverbike bend,
We got a lot of pretty boys and girls, we call friends.
How we dance at the parties, in our underwear, yet.
"'toedance" if you remember, macros if you forget.
<chorus>
Last thing I remember,
I was clicking on the door.
Had to find the bookmark back
to the place I was before.
Relax, said There_Greeter,
we are programmed to receive.
You can log out any time you like,
but you can never leave! |
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| (tune: Fun. Fun. Fun, by The Beach
Boys) Well, she bought herself a board
and goes cruisin' all the hoverboard ramps now,
seems she forgot all about the housework, her two kids and old man
now.
And with a friend riding shotgun she goes racin' just as fast as she
can now,
and she'll have fun, fun, fun, till her husband takes her CC away...
She tries on all of the auctions, and she buys everything that she
likes now,
Seventeen halter tops, Nike sneakers and a few hoverbikes now,
She wants to voice chat in Karuna so she bought herself a couple of
mics now
And she'll have fun, fun, fun, till her husband takes her CC away...
Well, they took away your cards, and you're thinking that your fun
is all through, now
You shoulda known all along that the bank was gettin' wise to you
now,
Still, you've got a groovy skyPaz on the island of Motu-Motu now,
And you'll have fun, fun, fun, 'cause club Tbux uses PayPal to
pay... |
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| (tune: American Pie by Don Maclean)
A long, long, time ago
I can still remember how the forums used to make me smile.
And whenever I had the chance,
I'd post a whine about flare pants,
and maybe I'd be happy for awhile...
But Tuesdays always made me shiver
without a There fix to deliver,
No voice chat words were spoken,
And Theremail was still broken.
I can't remember if I cried,
When I found my motherboard had fried,
But smoke was pouring from inside,
The day my system died.
And we were singin'...
Pie, Pie, we know Bama likes pie
And our Levi plays the heavy or at least he will try
He'll lock our threads, and everybody will cry,
singin' Why can't There just open on time?
<mystic_1>
So hi, hi, Mr. Tech Support guy.
Saw new systems that sure glistned but my bank account's dry.
The repair bill's got me thinking "Oh my!"
Singing why oh why did my system die?
Why oh why did my system die?
Did you fry the SCSI port?
Do you have faith in Tech Support?
If the receipt tells you to?
Now do you believe in backup files?
If so restores will take a while.
If not then gather all your CD's in a piiiile.
<rejeanne>
Did you write the forum post,
the one about Nalora's ghost,
and of how she 'riz again...
Steadman played some Rock'n Roll
as PrOng was trafficking in souls
and Peter_B's in limbo, till he knows...
And while we all were looking down,
The Kitten's snow fell on the ground,
not a word was spoken,
those pot shirts had us tokin'...
<mystic_1>
And the avatars that own the most
overload the poor iHost
Their funzones blink and are now toast
The day my system died.
Helter, skelter,
there's no Zephyr shelter,
no way to hide from a paintball pelter,
'cept grab a board and grief his a$$
If you jump off of a cliff,
you'll reach the bottom in a jiff,
Great air time is what makes the diff
'cause elevation is a slider's only friend...
The gnome chef wore a hat of white,
as I grabbed a breakfast bite,
and watched Lali and Karilea fight,
the day my system died.
<sean_anthony>
In the streets the newbies screamed
The designers wept
and the authors dreamed.
From There not a word spoken.
The (porto-zone/houses/funzones/bikes/skills) were all broken!
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| (tune: This Land, by Woodie Guthrie)
This land is your land,
This land is my land,
From Saja's Windmill to Nada island,
From Monkey Crater to Motu-Motu
This land was made for you and me
As I was driving, around Caldera,
I saw the ruins of Tuma Gara
I helped a newbie, in Karuna Plaza,
This land was made for you and me
<chorus>
I grabbed a coffee, in the breakfast forum,
and ate a bagel, I just adore 'em,
I browsed the MAB threads, they had no quorum,
This land was made for you and me.
<chorus>
I've flown a dragon, from Nene's aerie,
Amongst the mushrooms, I saw a fairy,
The goths in Tabu, dress to be scary,
This land was made for you and me
I go skydiving, fall from low orbit,
Touch down at Mach 3, my feet absorb it,
I design clothing, that I can submit, (okay, YOU find a rhyme!)
This land was made for you and me
<chorus>
I don't pay Pillz to, spam the Likes forum,
I'm not complaining, I'll just ignore him,
But if I have to, I will flamewar him,
This land was made for you and me |
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(tune: Sylvia's Mother, by Dr.
Hook and the Medicine Show)
Sylvia's mother said, "Sylvia's thirteen,
she's old enough to play in There."
Sylvia's mother said, "keep on your forcefield,
and stay out of Bama'Dolls Lair!"
And Sylvia's mother said, "Don't talk to strangers
or party in your underwear."
And the handsome newbie said "That's a nice rack,
and will, you, cyber, pleeeeeeeeeeeze?"
Mrs. Avery, I just gotta tell you I
Don't think she's ready for There
Please, Mrs. Avery tell her to tell There goodbye
Sylvia's avie said, "I'll cyber mister,
How much are you willing to pay?"
Sylvia' avie said "That's cash up front please,
I wasn't just born yesterday!"
And then Sylvia's avie, took out her paintgun,
and blew that poor bastard away.
And the flashing message said "200 bux more
for the next, paintgun, reload, pleeeeeeeze"
Mrs Avery, you gotta talk to her,
She's not the kid that you know,
Please Mrs Avery tell her to tell There goodbye
Sylvia's avie, shows lots of cleavage,
that in real life she hasn't yet grown,
Sylvia's avie, says, "That's a nice outfit,
Can I buy it in my skintone?"
And Sylvia's avie says, "I found your texture,
I'll tweak it and call it my own."
And the Developers website says, "8 thousand bux more,
to submit, a, ladies, tee, pleeeeeeeeeze"
Mrs. Avery, we just wanna talk to you,
What is she doing to There?
Please Mrs. Avery, just take her and say, goodbye
Sylvia's avie, wears a "four-twenty" tshirt,
when she's not showing off her boobs,
Sylvia's avie, knows Try-o-Matics,
give stuff she can sell to the noobs,
And Sylvia's avie, buys peoples houses,
to mark up and sell to the rubes.
And the Terms of Service says kids are allowed,
with their parent's, per, mission, oh, pleeeeeeeeeeze
There_Community, you must get rid of her,
And we'll stop whining and stay,
Please There_Community, or we will tell you, goodbye..... |
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(tune: Cover of the Rolling Stone, by
Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show)
(This is my favorite of all the There songs I've "written".
The There Artichoke was a parody of a There news web site.
Alas, it longer exists)I make designer clothes,
everybody knows
that I'm rich as rich can be,
I've got a genuine There employee,
to drive my TUV.
I've got all the friends that money can buy,
And I know I'll never be broke,
'Cause I keep getting richer
but I can't get my picture
on the front page of the There Artichoke
Artichoke...
Wanna see my picture on the cover.
'Choke...
Gonna email five copies to my mother!
'Choke...
Wanna see my avatar
On the front page of the There Artichoke.
I bought the Boneyard's bones
For my frontier zone,
and I'm moving them today.
It's gonna cost you a thousand tbux
If you wanna come in and play.
I got a PAZ in the sky
when you wanna get high
If you'll laugh at all my jokes,
But our friendship would be bigger
If you'll help me get my figure
On the front page of the There Artichoke
Artichoke...
Wanna see my picture on the cover.
'Choke...
Gonna email five copies to my mother!
'Choke...
Wanna see my avatar
On the front page of the There Artichoke.
I suck up to Swen Wu Kong,
though I know it's wrong,
and his bike tracks hurt my pride,
I even wrote haiku and limericks
to stay on his good side.
I guess Caldera Sun-Times
would be almost as fine
And LifeInThere wouldn't croak.
But they'd just be a beginning,
I'd still want see me grinning
From the front page of the There Artichoke.
Artichoke...
Wanna see my picture on the cover.
'Choke...
Gonna email five copies to my mother!
'Choke...
Wanna see my avatar
On the front page of the There Artichoke. |
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| (tune: Dirty Laundry, by Don
Henley) I spend my evenings drinking Hot Blues in There
then I go shopping I got tbux to spare
my credit's maxed but I don't care
and I got dirty laundry
My kitchen sink is full of dishes from June
I always tell myself I'll get to it soon
Just gotta write new words for this damn tune
then do the dirty laundry
Pile it in the hall,
drop it on the ground,
hide it in your room,
leave it all around
I'll feed the kids as soon as this event's done
I don't mind cooking but it's nowhere as fun
As paintin' newbies with my gun
let them wash dirty laundry
I read the forums twenty times a day
I'm up to speed with all the news and flames
I can't remember my husband's name
but he's got dirty laundry
Pile it in the hall,
drop it on the ground,
hide it in your room,
leave it all around
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| (tune: Have Yourself a Merry
Little Christmas) Have yourself a There-y little Christmas,
Make the season glow,
Paint the palm trees white
with newly fallen snow.
Have yourself a There-y little Christmas,
Let your gladness show,
Wish the season's best
to everyone you know
As we celebrate Christmas here,
Spread the Christmas cheer and care,
Distant friends who are dear to us,
Gather near to us in There.
'Round the world,
We all can play together,
Make a solemn vow,
All the friends in here can
show the whole world how.
And have yourself
A There-y little Christmas now.
(Okay, it's mushy. So sue me.) |
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(tune: Carol of the Bells)
You are logged on
Ara's logged on
Swen is logged on
Vikki's logged on
KittenKat's on
Digital's on
Akia's on
Alexis is on
Gaily the popups show us their news, obscuring views, you can't
refuse
Many, many, many, many popups
Many, many, many, many popups
Here's an event
See my event
Watch my event
Be my event
Race my event
Dance my event
Raffle event
Newbie event
Gaily the popups show us their news, obscuring views, you can't
refuse
Many, many, many, many popups
Many, many, many, many popups
Lloyd's in your PAZ
Viv's in your PAZ
Rayn's in your PAZ
Mishel's in your PAZ
Cheyenne's in your PAZ
DeShawn's in your PAZ
JoBlo's in your PAZ
Danae's in your PAZ
Gaily the popups show us their news, obscuring views, you can't
refuse
Many, many, many, many popups
Many, many, many, many popups
Alexis is off
Akia's off
Digital's off
KittenKat's off
Vikki's logged off
Swen is logged off
Ara's logged off
Why aren't you off?
Have a very, very, merry Christmas,
Merry, merry, merry, merry, Christmas... |
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(tune: Grandma Got Run Over By A
Reindeer)
Grandma got run over by a griefer
Coming back from our PAZ Christmas Eve,
You can say you don't believe in forcefields,
But as for me and Grampa, we believe
She'd been drinking too much Root Burp
And wandered out into the snow,
She lost her feet on Nene's Crater
and tumbled into Zephyr far below
When we found her shortly after,
at the scene of the attack,
she had tire marks on her forehead,
and the stains that come from paintballs on her back
(chorus)
Now it wasn't my idea,
to celebrate Christmas here, in There
but Grandpa's laughing out his buttplug,
And cousin Mel's finally got hair.
Grandma doesn't have to cook here,
Her meals are hardly Cordon Bleu,
If we'd been here for our Thanksgiving,
Poor old Auntie Lou'd still be here, too
(chorus)
We've got pizza on the table,
and bowls of rice, and sushi, too
It's just not the same as turkey,
but it sure beats the hell out of tofu
We're all wondering 'bout Grandma,
Will she get over her attack?
She's still out stalking 'round in Zephyr
She's gonna find that jerk and get him back
Grandma's got revenge upon the brain, dear
With her paintgun and Nike shoes,
You say 12-year-olds are not allowed here,
but there should be an upper limit, too. |
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(no tune)
Okay, this one's a little dated -- TOM is a reference to Tom
Melcher, the original CEO of There. "Steve" is Steve Victorino,
Tom's successor, who claimed to visit There using a number of
different avatars)'Twas in Tyr before Christmas
'Twas in Tyr, before Christmas, and all through the place,
The boarders had gone off to some hoverboard race.
The bikers were lost in a canyon, somewhere
And the boaters had vanished, up into the air.
No buggies were seen, not a one could be found,
So the Boneyard was peaceful, with no-one around.
I sat and I gazed at the stars in the sky,
Whilst the moon made me wish for a lover close by.
As I sat there, just thinking, three avatars came
into view, in the distance, and headed my way.
They took their sweet time as they continued to hike,
And I wondered, "Who walks, when they could buggy, or bike?"
And still they came on, as I started to worry,
"If I bought them all red Nike shoes, would they HURRY?"
But at last they arrived, and they strode into view,
There_Monitor, TOM! and... nobody I knew.
There_Monitor smiled, and proceeded apace
to get rid of the clutter, and clean up the place.
The stranger just stood there, but Tom came and sat
on the couch right beside me! And started to chat!
"||| || ||||" was all that he said, and I swore,
As I flew to my menu to turn off Ignore.
"It's you, not the program, that's set to ignore him,"
Said the stranger, "So just blame yourself, read the forums!"
So I thought about all of the things I had posted,
the Dislikes, the rants, the There_Helpers I'd toasted,
The sarcasm, cynicism, flames, and the like,
and I knew in a flash that the stranger was right!
We'd dropped the ball on There, big time, I could see,
No wonder that Tom wasn't talking to me!
We all came to There so we could chat in text bubbles,
But ended up blaming the place for our troubles!
We've got ruins for paintguns and ramps for the boarders,
And chats in Karuna and Zephyr's disorder,
Sit in hot tubs and pools if you're the kind that prefers it,
And if you get too fat in the spa, just reverse it!
We've got birds in the jungle no-one's ever seen,
and forcefields are for when the griefers get mean.
Teleport to Saved Places is great for arriving,
We've even got water that's hard, just for driving!
We have skin in vanilla, butterscotch and espresso,
And the worst day in There beats the best in TSO!
We have islands and funzones and clothing galore,
But all that we chant in the forums is: MORE!
We need to relax, and enjoy what There gave us,
Tom Melcher came back from the dole line to save us!
Upon that realization, Tom's grin shone like the sun,
and he disappeared, saying "My work here is done!"
It took only one ghost to change me Christmas Eve,
So I asked of the stranger, "Just who are you, Steve?"
He winked at me, and with a gleam in his eyes,
Pulled out a hoverpack, and started to rise.
"I'm the new CEO, I have many faces",
"We've met before, in a number of places!"
"Merry Christmas to all!", he started to say,
But I pulled out my paintgun and blew him away. |
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| (tune: Let It Snow) Oh, the
moon is full in the Boneyard
And you're strolling with your sweetheart
Then you're run over by some joe
Let it go, let it go, let it go...
Well, you ask him to move to Zephyr,
but your pleas just fall on deaf ears,
and he keeps bouncing you to and fro,
Let it go, let it go, let it go...
You just wait for another time,
When you find him out all alone,
Then with your sweetheart and TUV,
You can give him a taste of his own!
Well, the thrashing you're giving is frightful,
But revenge is so delightful,
As long as you love it so,
Let it go, let it go, let it go...
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